What do you think about the fact that your love can be so overwhelming that instead of bringing joy, it can actually harm your child?
LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THERE IS TOO MUCH OF YOU IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE
There is a certain type of parent.
They are everywhere. Always. At every step.
They know their child’s schedule better than the child does. They sign them up for classes before the child even has a chance to want them. They decide what the child likes. What suits them. What is best for them.
And they are genuinely convinced — this is love.
More care. More attention. More control. More investment.
They are not monsters. They are not tyrants.
They simply love. Very much. So much that they fail to notice one simple thing.
Their child stopped breathing on their own a long time ago.
Ask yourself one question.
When was the last time your child came to you and said — Mom, Dad, can I just play by myself today? No classes. No plans. Just me and my toys.
And you said yes?
Not «okay but don’t forget rehearsal tomorrow.» Not «just for a little while, you still have English.» Simply — yes, go play, I’m here.
If that moment exists — good.
If you’re thinking right now and can’t remember — that is already your answer.
There is a difference between a parent who loves and a parent who smothers.
Love gives space.
Smothering takes it away.
When you fill every minute of your child’s life with your own decisions — you leave no room for their own desires. For their own mistakes. For their own voice.
And the child very quickly learns one thing.
Their «I want» doesn’t work here.
Not because you forbid it. But because your «I want» is always bigger. Louder. More convincing. Backed by arguments about the future, about competition, about how they’ll thank you someday.
And so they go quiet.
Not all at once. Gradually.
First they stop arguing.
Then they stop asking.
Then they stop wanting.
The most frightening thing is not that the child does what they don’t want to do.
The most frightening thing is that after a few years they no longer know what they want at all.
You ask — so what do you actually want?
And they look at you with confusion. Not because they’re hiding something. But because inside — there is silence.
That mechanism — desire — simply stopped working. From lack of use.
Because there was always someone nearby who knew better.
This is not about bad parents.
This is about very good parents who didn’t notice one simple line.
The line between «I am helping you grow» and «I am growing instead of you.»
Between «I am creating opportunities for you» and «I am living through your opportunities.»
Between love — and possession.
You love your child. There is no doubt about that.
But love that doesn’t know how to stop — is not always a gift.
Sometimes it is a burden.
A burden the child carries in silence. Because they don’t want to upset you. Because they see how hard you try. Because they feel your love — and that is exactly why they cannot tell you the truth.
In the book «45 Reasons Not to Let Your Child Become ‘Britney'» we explore from the very first chapter one very uncomfortable moment — how parents present their child with what they call their child’s «dream.» Beautifully. Convincingly. With love.
And how that dream turns out to belong to the parents all along.
Not to the child.